-Jareth,
I hope you're happy. I'm working my way toward being a felon. The surprising thing, insurance fraud isn't as difficult as I would have thought. And yes, it's started already. Find a friend who knows the system, and a few free clinics that don't keep accurate paperwork, and I've got another prescription under a new alias. It's especially not so difficult when I think that I don't intend to be here for trouble to catch up with me. This attitude is not something you should be encouraging, no matter how creative or inventive it is, by the way.
LT's starting to get a hold on this kicking thing. It's incredibly and endearingly annoying, a lot like you, actually. Otherwise, everything's going pretty typically, I suppose. On both counts, this is a new thing to me, so I guess I'm not the authority; I have little basis for comparison, I guess. Oh, yes, I still remember that. I'd had NO idea what to do with you, then. If you'd told me then we'd end up in something like this, I'd have sworn you'd had a goblin brain transplant or something. I could have believed I would love you, not that I ever would have admitted it. Weird how we get where we are sometimes.
I didn't mean this entry to get sappy. This whole hormone thing is a pain. First off, I'm not allowed to be in a bad mood anymore. If I'm the slightest bit irritated, my family just goes "oh, it's hormones again," not Sarah's angry because of the snotty remarks from lady at the bank or something could otherwise actually be wrong. You'd think they'd forgotten I have a temper…on occasion. Sometimes it's hormones. There are other moments, where I'm just too weepy. I found myself humming that song you've sung to me when you think I'm asleep, but tears make sense there. Today, I was watching Harry and the Hendersons, this movie about Bigfoot (kinda like Ludo only smaller and more brown than orange) and this family he more or less follows home, and lost it. A movie about Bigfoot. I mean, that's just sad.
Toby's enjoying fencing. He just had his third tournament yesterday afternoon. I've wished I could join him, but A) I don't tend to have the energy and B) I'm pretty sure you'd flip out, not that this would normally stop me and even if I find the image amusing. Plus, getting stabbed in the stomach seems kind of counter-intuitive right now, given the high-risk protocols the doc has been shoving at me.
But anyway, Toby's really taken to it. Today, he showed me his arms and demanded that I tell him which looked bigger. I stared for a moment, but the forearm of his sword arm was slightly larger. He was ridiculously excited about it. I'd love to see what Ruckas, Rumble and all the rest would do with him.
That reminds me: everyone still gets to visit at some point. Remember way back when, that bet on the way to the darker lands? Can they come to the welcome back party? I'm assuming there will have to be something, maybe like a couple weeks after. I intend to be selfish with your time upon my return. And, yes, that statement was meant to be entirely loaded. I miss your smirk, I miss your teasing, I really miss just talking to you, and I have no problem saying I miss your body, too. I won't go too far into it, in case we show these to LT someday, but we both know how much imagination we've got between the two of us.
Funny, I remember joking once about "ruining one of your little parties." If I would have known that sort of threat could have winded us up in any kind of mess resembling what we wound up in, well, I guess I can understand why you blanched a little bit at that. Suffice to say, I had no earthly clue what I was getting into. Is there ever a point where I officially know too much? No such luck, I'm sure.
With love,
-Sarah.
-Husband,
I'm officially exhausted. Took a minor road trip over the last couple of days, didn't even have enough time to write in between. Met with a woman. She talked about the veil and seemed to know a good bit about it. According to her, she doesn't know why it's messed up, but the veil is not letting much pass between the worlds. Guess that explains the extended stay. She picked up that I wasn't from around here, and I wasn't sure whether to correct her or not. Don't really know for sure. Was originally. Don't think so now. It's like when people ask you where you're from after you've moved twice. Anyway, she said she didn't have any real answers, but there were a few places I ought to investigate. Apparently without much magical aid or at least an invitation, it's really not a good idea to force through the veil, particularly with LT. I'm hoping I won't have to wait until LT's old enough to make the trip. LT would have to be able to walk, can't be carried. We'd better figure it out before then. Maybe there's some way to make it safer or speed up the healing process of the veil.
Love you. Going to sleep. Meet me there if you can,
-Wife
-Mischief-Maker,
There really isn't much to say about today. It was decidedly unmagical for no immediately discernable reason. Weird.
With love,
-Esteemed Cohort in Deviousness
-You,
Alright, maybe I would prefer an unmagical day. My hair turned purple. Yes, honest-to-God purple. LT gets the hiccups, and I'm left with purple hair. Tell me how this is fair?
The family wasn't much help, laughing a bit too hard to do much. Between bouts, I went and got it cut. It's easier to manage dramatic color shifts with shorter hair, if I have to stuff it under a hat or do something more drastic. It's layered to the shoulder now, not like your insane layers. I guess that reminds me: I think I should be in charge of LT's apparel, mostly because I know that declaration will make you scoff.
Still love you. Still waiting.
-Me
-Marek,
Give this back to Jareth, you giant sneak. Of course I knew you were going to get your hands on them at some point, at least for a glance, and I figured you'd be naturally attracted to your name.
Yes, I miss you, too, Marek. Jareth will share what he wants to, and otherwise we'll have plenty of time to catch up.
Seriously, stop reading and give this back to my husband.
-Sarah
-Jareth
I had a dream last night. I'm not sure if you were really there or not. It was actually three dreams in succession. I'll give you the highlights where you featured.
The first one, we were across the room from each other and you caught my eye, directing with a glance to meet you on one side of the room. After maneuvering through the crowd, I waited for a moment or several and eventually you came over and we danced. Then we separated again and I met up with you later. There was a part in between there involving something with clothespins and some weird custom, but that's dream logic working. I mean in this one I wasn't even pregnant, it was as though the whole darker lands thing didn't happen, let alone the war. We were all cute then, and you acted as though I'd never been gone, even though my dream-me definitely was aware of it and confused.
The second was a little freaky. Okay, I was scared. Apparently, I was resolved against marrying you so you were trying to kill me. You were weirdly polite about it, except you were definitely going to make it a nasty sort of end, I could tell somehow.
So those first two I think was just my subconscious going on about things that could have happened.
If you were actually there at all it was the last one. We were in a blank space. Both of us were just kind of standing there. I really felt like me and I looked like me, and you definitely looked like you but tired and with your hair pulled back. You just kind of stared at me, like you couldn't believe what you were seeing. I wanted to ask you if you were actually there or not, but I was confused, too, wondering why you were keeping your distance. Finally you said something about how you thought about what you were going to tell me when you first saw me again, but now you couldn't think of anything to say.
I woke up with tears in my eyes. I was still wondering why you didn't move toward me, but it didn't sound like you thought I was dead at least.
That's something I've been worried about. I really hope you know that I'm not dead. I've mentioned it before, but if some Prophesy mess leads you remarry or something, I don't know what I'll do when LT and I make it home. Plus, I don't want you to have to go through any of that. I don't even want to think about the shockwave doing anything to you. Please be okay. I'm praying for you to get every sort of strength. Isn't it about time to start getting to the hindsight part? You know, when it's all over?
I know this whole bit sounds depressed, but I know it's just a matter of time. I'm not stupid enough to say it can't be worse, but I think this is honestly about enough. We totally deserve a break. LT agrees, by means of kicking, as I write. Either that, or it's a plea for a nap, considering I didn't sleep much after all that.
Until I see you again, all my love,
-Precious One (and Precious, too)
-Jareth, my angel of vengeance,
I was so mad earlier, I couldn't hold the pen still. It hadn't started that way, of course, these things never do. I was instructed to turn in a design I've been freelancing for my old job directly to the boss, which actually turned out to be a ruse for a bit of surprise party. It was the whole "we're glad you're alive" sort of thing, which turned into a bunch of my old buddies gushing about how I was glowing. (I had to check that it wasn't the magical sort as that would have been hard to explain.) By now, I have a story pretty well down, what I tell strangers verses what I tell friends, and what sort of vague details don't contradict each other and aren't necessarily a lie. Every now and again it would make Jen snort since she knows what I actually mean (even helped me phrase a few things). My favorite bit, when asked if I could talk about whom my foreign diplomat husband was warring against, I said "just a bunch of soulless vampires," and everyone chuckled. Jen nearly lost it.
That wasn't the problem, though. Everything was great, catching up with people and just sharing time with everyone again. Eventually Debbie asked me when LT was due. I told her "not soon enough," and the group just kind of chuckled again. Derek was feeling a little tipsy by that point, I think (Mr. Lawson brought a couple bottles of wine), because I don't think he normally would have blurted it out.
He asked me who my new beau was. I stared at him for a moment, and he added, "You know, the father of your kid." I informed him that my husband was the father of my child. He pointed out in a bit of a slur that there seemed a bit of discrepancy in the timeline, that I'd been home for about six and a half months and was about five months (the best estimate I could give them) pregnant. In private, a perfectly logical question. In public, a nasty accusation that I had to defend. Oh, I wanted to kill him, particularly when everyone was staring at me either expectantly or looking highly embarrassed.
What else could I do? I slapped him and reiterated that I couldn't go into any of the details pertaining to the situation, particularly any contact I'd had with my husband, and even though I'd made it home to be safe there was still no absolute. I told him how LT was definitely my husband's child and how upsetting it was not to have you with me during this time. At that point, I made myself cry, and Jen took up the charge. I think that's only the second or third time in my life I've made myself cry to get out of something, and let me tell you it works. Most everyone was on my side, glaring down Derek for upsetting me.
The damage was still done, however. They're all at a loss as to what sort of situation I've landed myself in, so they'll form their own conclusions and speculations. I've got my character to speak for me, but for all they know I could have totally switched personalities after a year and a half of being gone in addition to six months of reintegrating back into this world. He managed to take a great mini-reunion and make it utterly suck. Stopping back by the office will now be overly awkward.
Maybe some minor smiting would be good, hint, hint.
And now I'm angry all over again. Time to go calm down, I think.
With love,
-Your Sarah
-J, angel of vengeance,
Alright, I guess Derek doesn't have to be smited. Smote? I don't know. He called to apologize, and we agreed to meet for coffee. I'll give him the abridged version. My guess is that he'll freak out and leave early, calling me later that evening after mulling a few things over. When I left last time it did shake him up a bit, but I think he'll swing around to it after a while. Plus, LT's slow development will at least confirm that part of the story. Eventually, too, he'll just be glad to be in on the secret. AND he won't be making comments like what he did in front of the group. He's not off the hook yet by any stretch, don't worry, but he doesn't have to be a pile of dust at least. He's at least going to pay for coffee.
I'll update you afterwards.
With love,
-Sarah, somewhat pacified
J, A of V,
Did I mention that Derek is utterly predictable? Two years away and still he practically followed a script. Even called back in the evening.
I love that you still surprise me, if I ever forget to mention it.
With love,
-S
-Baby-Daddy
I know you're grimacing at the address, but I really couldn't resist. Have you gotten used to that? The knowledge that you're going to be a father? Sometimes, the whole thing makes my head spin, honestly. At the same time, I'm insanely attached and ridiculously excited. Take a look at the newest sonogram. I know it looks like it was taken in an oubliette, but you can see a clear outline of LT's head. And that bit next to it is definitely a hand. The nurse asked if I wanted to know the gender, but I said I preferred to wait, not that I don't have my guess. I'd rather wait until you can go with me. I don't even want to write it here, until I can tell you in person.
Is the Labyrinth going to be the godfather? I don't know if we ever discussed godparents or what sort of relation the Labyrinth would have. We'll figure it out, but I just had to ask it that way, see if you'd give the paper a funny look. I'd imagine we could ask Marek, not that it wouldn't go to his head.
Anyway, I said I'd keep you informed. The doc still is pretty incredulous about everything. I'm pretty sure Jen has brow-beaten him enough to keep him from doing anything stupid, on top of the whole confidentiality laws he'd be breaking. Of course, now that he's "on my side," he's pretty protective about the whole thing. The way Jen must have worded it or at least the way he's thinking, if anyone else gets a whiff of this, he's going to be in some sort of uncomfortable position. Frankly, I don't get it, but he's taking care of us and doesn't look at me with the "you're probably insane, but I'll humor you for now," look as much anymore. That one got old real fast. I think the karyotype helped my case a lot, too. When the machine reading a Fae/human child involved something a little crazy (and the machine coughing up glitter), well, it definitely supported my case. Oh, and when my hair turned purple in the exam room. Again. That helped, too. He's a very nice guy, but then he puts on the "I'm a serious doctor" face and reminds me a bit too much of Alain, even if he's not thrusting foul slop at me. It's weird that he now switches between "serious doctor" and sheer excitement. Dr. Yeardly wants to see how this pans out, whether he'd admit it or not. Given his shoes, I'd probably be fascinated by the whole thing, too. He doesn't remind me that I shouldn't be drinking too much caffeine when he's speculating on whatever, either.
Sometimes, though, it makes both of us incredibly nervous. Neither of us have any idea what to expect. We can't check for birth defects like we normally would and a genetic breakdown gave him, in his words, "garblydee-gook." He'll give me an instruction and half the time I ask if it's actually a good idea. The other half of the time, I ask him to explain his logic, after which I ask if he's sure it's a good plan. His response is either an uneasy grin with "I think so," or that it's worth a shot or signs point to yes or try again later. He's a magic eight ball; shake him and you still might get another vague response. Really, though, I know he's thought through a lot of this. I've seen the man's reading list.
Still, both of us are incredibly uneasy with how everything about this is touch and go. I know some of that is to be expected, but I've used this argument for caffeine a few times, and managed to win myself a Dr. Pepper or two. This whole in-between thing. It's like when my aunt got sick while I was in high school. They had no idea what was up so they kept trying one new thing after the other. Some things made it better, others made it worse, and they still weren't entirely sure why. Once they put a name to it, everything just got so much better, even though there's nothing they can really do for fibromyalgia (nasty disease, inexplicable pain). Her treatment has always been touch and go since then, but at least they have a basis to go off of. Okay, I'm pregnant and not turning into a hippo (don't you dare say that's a potential side effect) or crippled by random joint pain (aside from overall soreness from the extra weight), but I still don't want this attitude toward my child.
Honestly, everything up here seems pretty touch and go. I've volunteered a couple of places and had a couple of part time jobs now, but I can't stay or go anywhere routinely too long, or they start to ask questions, specifically after a month or two why I don't look more pregnant. In the end, it just makes me feel disconnected. First and foremost from you with a physical barrier (which still sucks, by the way, if I haven't said that recently). Then from my jobs and other ways to keep occupied. Even my family when there are just those moments when they can't really understand what I've gone through. Jen has been keeping me pretty sane. She just keeps me smiling even when I had half a mind to be furious all day just because. I don't know how she does it. It's kind of frustrating, actually. My new friend Amber has been a great help, too. I met her reading to some kids at the library (I really miss that), her oldest child being in the group. She's a writer and a mom, so we've met up at all sorts of crazy times. She's a great listener.
This is turning into a long entry. Remember that I love you. Still waiting. Not giving up.
-Baby Momma
-Jareth
Today I feel like a cow.
It's been one of those down sort of days where I miss you especially. Every song on the radio makes me want to cry and my ankles are swollen and I just want to be miserable with my carton of ice cream.
It's just so hard.
After the whole tree conclusion episode, I thought we agreed that no such separation should happen again. I don't want to get used to this feeling. And I still feel like a whale.
Tomorrow will be better. Today, though, today I just need to feel.
Still waiting for the day I can hold you again,
-Sarah, the unattractive blob on the couch
-Goblin King
I talked to another person about the veil today, taking Derek with me. Honestly, they freaked me out. At first, we covered a lot of good ground and several possibilities. He talked a lot about the magical buildup and everything he and a group of others have been working to do to stabilize the veil on this side.
Then, he started veering off and it didn't sound like the veil and the magical world as we know it. Eventually, he got around to blaming me for disrupting the veil and declaring that I needed to be sacrificed in order to restore the flow between worlds. In the end, I bolted. Derek held the guy back until I was safely in the car.
That was too close. Derek was all excited on the drive back, the adrenaline and all. He's been much more useful now that he's in on the secret. One day he almost offered to adopt LT, if I was stuck here forever, but I didn't let him. You've no reason to be jealous, Jareth. Derek was just trying to help. It's the only way that makes sense to him, I think. He's finally given up on the thought of him and me as an actual item. He's a friend, and he's been unwilling to let me make any of these trips alone. At first, I only agreed because driving tends to make me nauseous nowadays, but in light of this episode, I'm glad he was there.
I'm still searching. I know you are, too. Maybe this is partly my fault, for saying "it won't be that long" before heading for the veil. I mean, that was just asking for trouble. If you bring that up later, I will deny, deny, deny, mister.
With our love,
-Goblin Queen and LT, Heir to the Goblin Throne
-Jareth
While we were just hanging out today, Jen asked me if I was worried about being a mom. Essentially, I told her not really. It's going to be okay. One way or the other, I'm not going to be alone in this. And if something, God forbid, goes terribly wrong, I can always blame you. It's incredibly comforting. I can see it now: "He's his/She's her father's child," and the court would just give a resounding "OHhh" of understanding.
I get the feeling there will be an equal share of, "Well, to be raised by someone who grew up Aboveground…" But it'll work, somehow. It's one of those things I just know.
With knowledge that we'll see each other again,
-Sarah
-Jareth
I wish I could hang out with the Fireys or the Frosties today. It was just the first thing that occurred to me this morning, not that I was waking especially depressed or tense. One of their songs was caught in my head, and it's been stuck there all day.
LT's still getting bigger. There isn't much to say today.
With love,
-Sarah
-J
Toby and I just hung out today. He's a good kid. The best thing, if he babysits for LT, he can wish our kid back to us, no harm, no foul.
Love,
-S
Jareth flipped through Sarah's journals, scribbling a few notes down as he poured through her entries yet again. The first few times he read, he had been utterly overwhelmed. Who would not cherish such a gift? How much he missed her, how much he loved her spirit. The words were undoubtedly her own, her tone making him laugh and cry all at once, leaving his chest in a dull ache. The pictures, ticket stubs, and all else made her adventures real, and he delighted and despaired with her in turn. He wanted to share those experiences with her in person, and remind her how beautiful she was on those days she felt down. One of the dreams he remembered himself, entirely uncertain if she had been there and consequently freezing rather than relaying any important information before she dissolved away. And his child. Their first child.
Two things struck Jareth when he read for a third time. The first was the reason for the notes he was making. Something about LT's developmental timeline seemed…off. Recording relevant dates and symptoms, Jareth poured through the journals again, unwilling to part with them but certain that Alain would need both Sarah and the baby's progress to make an accurate guess. He had to know what sort of timeline they were dealing with. Missing the birth of his first child was out of the question.
Still, as Jareth skimmed her thoughts and entries, he found it nearly impossible not to be caught up in them all over again. The most contact he had had with his wife in nearly a year was within these pages, sad as it was. And regrettably one-sided.
"You called?" Marek asked from the door, rubbing his head and blinking.
"Yes," Jareth replied, disregarding his companion's state.
"It couldn't have waited until morning? First you won't let me have any information then it can't wait?" He yawned. "You strange, fickle man."
"Pardon?"
"I've just been dragged out of bed by goblins threatening me with bog water, your majesty. I beg your forgiveness."
Jareth smirked, finishing his page. He had thought this other matter required some immediate attention as well. "Sarah has brought up an interesting point in a few of her entries."
"Does she agree that you're a strange, fickle man? Because I've been saying that. Or maybe she wants to name the child after me, right?"
Jareth raised an eyebrow.
Marek waved his hands. "Sorry, sorry. Please, elaborate."
"We've been spending all this time trying to find ways to get around the veil. What can we do to help heal it? Faster?"
Marek leaned back, bringing one hand up to his mouth and frowning. "Count on Sarah to think of the deceptively simple solution that just might work."
And he was off. Marek began to mumble something under his breath, pulling at a fresh piece of paper and beginning to scribble a few things down.
"My thoughts exactly," Jareth agreed with a small, hopeful smile.