Morning washed over her like a ghostly wave caressing her cold, pale skin. At first, everything was softness and everything was soothing. Then, reality settled in. Waking was synonym of loneliness; when her eyelids fluttered open, he was long gone. She wasted precious minutes rubbing her face against the softness of her sheets, inhaling what was left of his strong pine scent. She did so until her nostrils burned and then she forced herself up. This was bad. How could someone want a person that badly? He used to be a stranger, an annoyance she was constantly trying to get rid of and now - now she could not get enough. She missed him.
When she finally made her way downstairs, her mother had already gotten started on breakfast. Food covered the table and her brother and grandfather were happily chugging down everything within reach. She softy shook her head as she sat down beside them.
"Morning sweetie."
"Morning mom."
Her mother had not asked her any questions. Not about the sleepover, not about Kouga. Kagome could not help but be suspicious; she had this strange feeling that her mother knew. She had to know. It was written all over her face; NO LONGER A VIRGIN. God. The simple thought of it painted her cheeks red and forced her to look away from her mother. It was not an easy conversation to have. She was an adult, she should be allowed to make important decisions such at that one but… but… Sometimes she still felt like a teenage girl. She did lose all of her teen years… There was also the shame. The shrine was a sacred religious place and she was being… unholy.
Kagome was snapped back to reality by the clacking of a plate against the table. She raised her gaze and noticed her mother had put some food in front of her.
"You might want to get some before they finish it," she spoke with a smile.
Kagome forced a grin and then reached out for a fork. Oh yes, she knew. She smiled. She smiled, meaning she had to know. Or maybe she was being paranoid and her mother was simply smiling. People did smile for no reason right? No need to panic. Not that she was panicking of course.
"How was the sleepover?"
Kagome cleared her throat and then stared intensively at the brightly colored fruits on her crystal white plate. "Good."
"What did you do?"
Alert. Alert! Sex. That was what she did. She had wild, wild sex. Unplanned. So that helped right? "Shopping. Oh and facial masks." Words were quite difficult today. She felt like everything she said was an admission of guilt. No reason to be guilty right? She was an adult. Adults had sex. It was okay.
"Thanks mom." Those were Souta's last words before he jumped off his chair, grabbed his schoolbag and dashed out of the house. Miyu smiled tenderly at him as she watched him go.
"That sounds like a lot of fun," she finally replied when the back door closed loudly.
Miyu let a small silence sink in, allowing Kagome to take a few bites of her food - even though every bite was painful, slowly making its way down her throat like it was going to choke he. It also gave her grandfather enough time to finish his breakfast. He thanked his daughter in law and then, exited the kitchen in direction of the living room. Kagome watched him leave, a small nervous ping forming in her chest. She was about to be alone with her mother and for the first time in her life, that was a very stressful thought. Lying made her uncomfortable. Even though this was not lying per se, more like an omission of the truth… Regardless. Her mother was someone she could always talk to about anything. And now? Things felt different and strange. She did not like it.
"How's Kouga?"
There it was. The conversation was heading in that dreadful direction. Or her mother could simply be asking how her boyfriend was. No, no because that was too simple, too easy. "He's good," Kagome mindlessly replied while pushing some food around her plate. Her stomach was knotted and suddenly, her appetite was gone. She was the worst daughter in the world.
"Good." One breath. "Kagome…"
"We didn't!"
Her own outburst surprised her and her blue orbs widened as she stared at her confused mother. Miyu had one delicate eyebrow arched as she searched her daughter's face for an answer; she found none.
Oh you idiot. Damage control time. "I- mean I didn't - we didn't see each other." Bad Kagome. Bad liar.
A soft smile tugged her mother's lips and she put her fork down. "Kagome, I don't mind if you see him. You know that right?" There were a few rules but what kind of mother would she be if she did not impose a few rules? Her daughter had to grow up faster than most but it did not mean she had all the answers. She was simply trying to help her fight her way while making the least amount of mistakes possible. She did not want to see her get hurt - not again. Her daughter had shed enough tears over a boy. Although, she did not believe Kouga was the type to make her daughter cry.
"I know." But, but…
"You're still young, Kagome." Her shoulders slumped down and she pinched her lips for a moment. "I want you to do all the things you want to do. I don't want you to restrict yourself, I don't want you losing out more than you already have." She knew how important time traveling was to her daughter. She understood that she was needed on the other side of the well… but it never made it easy. She accepted it and she would not do anything differently but… "You already missed out on so much. I simply want to make sure you get to have everything."
Miyu was not against the relationship and she had nothing against Kouga; he was a nice boy. Although, she might notice things her daughter missed. "He's much older. He's lived through many lives. You haven't." Her daughter was strong willed and rarely let anyone step all over her. But love? Love made everyone do stupid things. "Don't forget to figure out what you want."
Kouga was her old world. But they were not in that world anymore. They were back into the modern world and it worked differently. She never wanted to pressure her daughter and she wanted her to heal on her own time. However, she would have to eventually figure out what she wanted out of life. She was human. She could not live the way they all did.
"I know, mom."
The future was a stressful topic; she did not know what she desired. She had nothing; no education, no plan. Up until now, she did not even have any friends. They went their own way, living the life they always wanted. Meanwhile, she was left behind without a clue. Who was she going to be? What was she going to do? Those questions never seemed that important when she was with the pack. Nobody was stressed and everybody enjoyed each day on its own. However, she could not deny the fact that her mother was right. She needed a plan.
She put down her fork, her appetite now long gone. Why did everything have to be so stressful? Why was it that nothing could be simple?
-U-
Four days.
He had not seen her in over four days and he knew why. It was not the way the guys embarrassed her or her new knowledge that they would hear them every time. Part of him feared it was because they had sex but the rational part of his brain was screaming that it was because of the blood. She was ashamed of her period and preferred to stay away from him during that time. He could hardly blame her; humans were not as comfortable with blood as youkais were. To him, it made her absolutely delicious and he wanted to do nothing more than devour her. But, he would respect the limits she set out for them. He would never make her do anything she did not want to do.
He already almost regretted the sex. Was it too soon? Did he push her too much?
"KOUGA!"
As the sound of his name echoed through his head, he snapped his gaze up and found himself staring at Ginta. The younger male was waving a hand in front of his face with a perplexed look on his face.
"Ya alright?"
"Yeah."
"I've been calling you for like five minutes."
"Distracted."
Ginta laughed. "I can see that." He smirked. "Anything to do with sis?"
Kouga tossed a glare his way, letting him know it was best if he shut up but Ginta did not seem scared. Instead, he kept on chuckling. "She hasn't been around in a while."
"Because you idiots had to tell her you knew." Lie. But maybe if he made them feel bad enough, they would not do it again. He almost snorted; yeah right. These idiots were having the time of their lives with this juicy piece of information.
"Really we just wanted to tease you."
"Smart mouth."
"Come on, sis knows we mingle. And if we hadn't - well you two wouldn't even be together so…"
They might have a point there, but he was never going to admit to that. He was never going to give them that satisfaction - despite the fact that he was very happy they mingled. And to top it all off, he hated being wrong. Although, this was the first time that he was glad he was wrong. He could not imagine his life if Kagome and him had not worked it out. She became his everything. Actually, she always was but - she was never his. Now she was his - in every sense of the word. It made his chest swell with pride and forced his heart race. Except. Now that she was his… there was the chance that he could lose her. That reality did not exist five hundred years ago.
"Why don't you call her?"
"If she wanna come over, she'll come over."
"Well, you guys did just have sex. Maybe she's feeling a little weird."
"She ain't."
He went over to her house, they talked about the big mistake they made by not using any protection and then they slept. Things were just fine. Although he did feel bad he had to leave before she woke up. He hardly had another option available to him; if her mother found him there again, there would be trouble for the both of them. He wanted to get on her good side. Respecting her house rules was part of that. It would obviously be easier if they could share a space but - they just had sex. Moving in talk was not the kind of talk they should be having. As a matter of fact it only made him think that he was indeed pushing her too far too fast.
No, it was good that he had his own place and she had hers. Although, she was always welcome at his place. He wanted it to be a second home.
One she had not visited in a while. Maybe the guys were not wrong. Maybe he could contact her.
But a phone call was a bad idea. He did not want to be pushy - especially if she was not comfortable around him during that time of the month. He did hope she would soon understand that he did not care; as a matter of fact, he loved it.
Kouga reached for his phone in the depths of his pocket and pulled it out. He quickly found her in his contact list and let a heavy sigh pass his lips as he began typing. Nothing too long. Nothing too short. No, no. That was bad. Wait. No, not that either. For fuck's sake. After a long internal battle, Kouga settled on the most boring, typical text one could send; hi. So much for nothing too short… He shook his head at his own stupidity and then, shoved his phone back in his pocket. It was not like he expected her to answer right away. She had a life and things to do. She probably did not wait around for him to text her. That was fine.
He ran his fingers through his messy bangs before leaning his head backwards.
He was doing that though. He was sitting around, waiting to hear from her. He was acting like an infatuated cub. He needed to give her some space if he did not want to push her away.
Ding!
He lifted his rear off the couch and fished back his phone. When he saw her name, he could not help the grin that formed on his face. She replied. Alright, so maybe she was waiting around for him to text her. That thought did do wonders for his ego. His grin grew in size and he slide his thumb across the screen to open her text. Hi. He chuckled. Alright, he deserved the short answer. He quickly typed his own reply. How are you stranger? This time, he kept the phone in his hand since he knew she would reply quickly.
Yeah, sorry. I've been helping my mom around the house.
His eyes flickered across her reply and he wondered if that was really it.
Don't worry about it. Wanna grab some food?
Sure. When?
One hour. I'll pick you up.
Deal.
His fangs poked through his bottom lip and he shoved his phone away. Time to get ready.
-U-
The wind was gently blowing through the city while Kagome patiently waited at the bottom of the stairs. She smoothened the wrinkles off of her yellow dress and then slammed her hands down her thighs. She clacked the heels of her shoes against the marble of the stairs and stared ahead into the distance. He was not late; she was early. Somehow she was nervous. Her period was for the most part over and barely noticeable… unfortunately… Kouga's nose would pick up the remnants of it regardless. She understood that he was quite comfortable with the situation but she was not. It was not like she avoided him or anything.
Her mother had kept her busy. Kagome, ridden by the guilt of what happened, constantly offered her services. She had slacked off on her home chores and this little time off - time when she was not moping - helped her catch up. Her family was also important and she could not be running off whenever - which she had done a lot of lately. This way, her guilt was somewhat lessened. Alright, no it was still there. She felt like an awful daughter. Her mother simply asked her where she was going and Kagome had stuttered. Her mother asked out of interest, not because she was spying on her and yet Kagome failed to keep her composure.
This was a disaster.
Suddenly, the sound of rubber wheels melting against the hot road pulled her out of her thoughts. She snapped her head up and noticed Kouga pulling in front of the shrine. As soon as their eyes met, there was a big grin on his face, his pearly white teeth showing. She was forced to share his smile and she hopped to her feet, rushing in direction of the car. For a moment, she forgot all about the nervousness that had nestled inside of her. The simple sight of him was enough to force an explosion of feelings inside of her heart. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she came to a quick halt when she reached the car. He pushed the door open for her and she slid into the car, carefully settling in by his side.
As soon as she was in the vicinity, Kouga wasted no time. He latched on to her and his lips covered hers, showing her the passion burning inside of his chest. It did not help his self-control that there was still remnants of her divine scent lingering around. It was soft, barely there, but as soon as he sniffed the air once he detected it. That bit of information almost proved that he was right; she was waiting for the end of her cycle. He would not mention it. Instead, he focused himself on her; his lips brushed up against hers, his tongue teased the sensitive membrane and he let the taste of her mouth flood his, relishing every second of it.
It took a moment, but he finally pulled away. His forehead rested against hers while she looked up at him with moist, bruised lips and gleamy blue orbs. He smirked before kissing the tip of her nose. "Hi."
She cleared her throat. "Hi." It was not their usual hi but she could get used to it. At least there was no awkwardness between them - that was a relief.
Every part of him was begging him to stay close, to caress her skin, to feel the smoothness of her beneath his fingertips but he convinced himself to pull away. One time. She agreed to one time. Of course, he truly hope there would be more times but, on her own terms. He took one last longing look at her before detaching his forehead from hers and sitting back in his own seat.
"So, where ya wanna go?"
She popped her lips, re-focusing her attention on the task at hand. Unfortunately for her, it was not easy to forget the feel of his hand on her skin. The flesh burned hot where he touched her and she loved it. Although, thinking about that only reminded her of everything else she wanted to talk about. Her time away allowed her mother's words to sink into her brain. It was not good. She tried to ignore them but it never quite worked. There were a lot of unanswered questions and most of the time, that was alright with her. There was no point in having all of the answers now - that was how heartbreaks came about.
But…
But there was always that but.
"Anywhere's fine."
There was something different in her tone - something was bothering her. He wanted to ask, he wanted to be noisy but instead, he simply gripped the wheel a bit tighter, the material squeaking under his ministrations.
"And off we go."
The first minutes of the drive were silent. Until Kagome cracked under the pressure. She could no longer tolerate silence; it was something that happened while hanging out with her mother for the past few days. Every time she was silent, she felt like she was admitting to a crime.
"I think my mom knows."
He kept staring ahead at the road. "Knows what?"
"What we did."
His foot hovered over the break for a second but he kept his poker face on. This was the time to show her he was collected and calm. So what if her mother knew? If she knew, she still let Kagome out of the house. That would mean that she was fine with what took place. But did she really know? He popped his lips. "How can you be sure?"
"I don't know. It's just a feeling I get."
He watched her from the corner of his eyes. She was fidgeting, playing with her fingers while her heart was racing. She was nervous. He could not help but furrow his eyebrows; was it nervousness, guilt or regret? The last time they spoke, she was at ease with what took place. Could it be that reality had dawned upon her and now not everything was so black and white? He did not want to ask. He did not want those words to leave his lips… because what if she confirmed his fears? It could never be taken back. Then again, they could not keep living like this. They were also uncertain, walking around on eggshells…
"Do you regret it?"
Blue orbs widened and startled, she turned to look at him. Her luscious lips were parted, red spreading to her cheeks while anger slowly steeped in. "What?" She searched his face for a sign of pain or sadness but his eyes would not give anything away. She was not trying to hurt him by having this conversation. She had been stressed out and she was attempting to share that with him. Maybe it was a bad idea.
She sighed. "Kouga, I don't regret what happened." She ran her fingers through her hair, pushing her bangs backwards. "I just- I don't know how to act with my mother anymore. I don't like lying. But I don't think this is a conversation she would like to have with me."
"Sorry." There was more he wanted to say but he did not know how to voice it. He had his life set up and most of all, he did not owe anything to a parent. Yes, he had to do right by his pack and he had to look after his own but his relationship with Kagome did not affect any of that. He did not think about what she had to deal with and what her life was like. If he could, his life would be intertwined with hers forever. He could do it right now. After all, he had been waiting a whole life time for her. But it was not the same in her case.
"I - I didn't think."
Suddenly, he felt warm skin on his hand and then, her tiny fingers wrapped around his and she squeezed. "Kouga, there was nothing to think about. There is nothing wrong with what we did." Why could things not be simple for a little bit? Could they not have a moment of peace? "I just- I guess I'm not very good at combining all aspects of my life." What she wanted and she needed seemed to conflict. She wanted the home life, she wanted the boyfriend, she wanted the rules and the truth but she also wanted freedom. "I guess I just need to figure out where I'm heading."
She released his hand and leaned back into the seat, tension still in her shoulders. "But it has nothing to do with you." She had to figure out if she was an adult or not. What job she was going to get and where she was headed in life. It was affecting every aspect of her life. There was also her mother's speech. She knew she was not missing out on any life experiences and she was getting everything she wanted out of life. But - but she was stuck in the same position, not moving, not heading anywhere new. She did need to get her life really started. Then maybe she would not be as scared of everything happening. Maybe everything would be simpler and it would all make sense.
"I need a job. Maybe school. My place to live in."
"You have a place."
He resisted the urge to cringe. He did not mean to slip that out so easily. He made it sound like they were steps ahead of what they actually were. She just mentioned being stressed and he was basically throwing out living together out there. Man, his lack of dating experience was showing.
"I- I d- That's not what I meant. I meant, it's there if you ever need it. I'm not - I'm not saying to move in. What I meant -"
And then, there was giggle.
"I kinda like flustered Kouga."
He chuckled and released his tight grip on the wheel. "I'm gonna start thinking you enjoy torturing me." Her smile grew and he finally felt more at ease; the tension was broken. "Listen, whatever it is, whatever is happening. I know you'll figure it out. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself." He touched his chin to his shoulder and offered her his best smirk. "Consider this your chance at being a wild teenager."
"I think I was wild enough."
A laugh was shared and her heart became lighter.
"Kouga?"
"Yea?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being you."
That was what she wanted. Needed.
-U-
"That bad huh?"
She tilted her head to the side. "Well, you know. Last time I saw them was… embarrassing to say the least."
"They're idiots. They don't think before doing stupid shit."
"I suppose there isn't any way to sneak in?"
"I wish."
She let her head fall on his shoulder and sighed. She did want to go inside and spend some alone time with him. Even though that stressed her slightly. She turned to mush when he touched her - and there was still blood. Something he seemed to enjoy greatly. In some way, she was asking for trouble. In another light though, the guys were present. That should be enough to stop her. She did not need them listening to their nightly activities again. That was a private matter and it would always be so. Hopefully they would understand that one day. Although if she knew anything about pack dynamics… she was pretty much screwed.
"You don't have to come in."
"I want to…"
She really did. Even if they did not do anything. She simply wanted to feel his warmth and enjoy having him by her side. She was at ease when he was around and it was a feeling she desperately needed.
"We could stay in the car."
She arched an eyebrow. "Stay in the car?"
Kouga shrugged. "Why not? It's hm… alright," he chuckled. "It's not very spacious but they are less spying ears in here." Although, he was almost certain they could hear them talk from here. They were probably all by the doors trying to pick on any word they could. Bunch of girls.
"And what are we supposed to do in this car?" she asked, a bit of taunting in her voice. Being a stuck in a car did not leave them with many options.
Immediately, Kouga's cheeks tainted red. "I- I didn't mean that."
She let a giggle escape her. "I know, I was - being funny." She did not want this topic to be heavy, she wanted them to be pass it. They had the conversation, they said they would be more careful. She could not have them walking on eggshells all the time. They even had a serious conversation about the way things were and things to come. The mood was heavy. She needed some calm.
"I guess I'm a little too jumpy for funny huh?" he said as he ran his fingers through his bangs.
She let a smile stretch her lips and then, she bent down to press her mouth to his. At first, she wanted it to be a quick peck but as she felt his moist lips on hers, she melted against him. Her mouth opened and she felt his tongue slip into her mouth. Her left hand reached for his shoulder and she let her delicate fingers brush the fabric of his shirt. She gripped at it and leaned into his body. His hand found its way into her hair, tangling his fingers with her locks as he brought her face closer to his.
Self-control was the key.
At least, it was the words he kept repeating to himself as he enjoyed the sweet flavor of her mouth. He still remembered what her naked flesh tasted, or how it felt against his own. Or the way her eyelids fluttered when she was in the throes of passion and the little sweet moans she could make with those luscious lips. And all those were bad thoughts. Now he was screwed. He could feel the blood rushing downwards and it was too late to stop it. He felt himself grow in his jeans and they became tighter around him. Hopefully his lips would distract her from his erection.
But he was not that lucky…
Kagome's position shifted and she was nearly sitting in his laps - and he wanted her there. One of his hands ghosted over her hip, dying to clutch at the warm flesh. He wanted her warm core sitting over him so that he could grind into her. Bad wolf, bad, bad wolf. He tried to take a deep breathe but the way her fingers were palming against his flesh made it hard. Plus, he was not about to be the one to end the kiss she initiated. No, he would suffer through it and oh - god. Oh fuck he was screwed.
Her skin was on fire, his touch melting her and her heart drumming as she knew she needed more. It was no longer thoughts and fantasies; she knew what those hands could do, she knew what his body felt like and - oh she knew the pleasure he could bring to her. She did not realize how hard it made it for her to have self control. They were alone - or as alone as they could be parked in the backward at night. They were no ears listening, nobody to interrupt them. One time did leave her wanting.
And she was no longer uncomfortable. The blood was non-existent and- and she wanted those hands on her.
Maybe she was the one out of control. She inhaled before tearing her lips away from him. Except as she did so, she did one mistake; she bore her neck to him. And that was his downfall.
Before he could think his lips latched on to her neck. He lapped the side of it, relishing the tremble that followed. There was also the spike in her scent, her arousal raising and teasing him with promises of wetness. He knew how tight she was, he knew how much he loved those legs around him. And this was not the shower, this was not the first time. Although he would always be kind and patient and sweet with her, he did not have to hold back as much. He could fully plunge inside of her.
And then, as he felt her quickened heartbeat under his tongue and while his hands were sneaking under her shirt, he was reminded of a cruel reality. He groaned against her heated flesh and then, pulled himself away from her. It took her a few moments but she caught up. She lowered her head and stared into his eyes. Confusion shone in her blue orbs while they were hazed by her pleasure. She needed this, she wanted this. Seeing the desire shine in her eyes made it even worse for her.
"I hate myself," he whispered as he closed his eyes. He could not bear to look at her.
"What happened?" she inquired between rush breaths.
"I - I the condoms are inside."
He had not forgotten their precious conversation. They were going to be careful and he was going to make sure a mistake did not happen again. However, that also meant being logical and safe even when his entire body was begging for her, as it was at the moment. He wanted to say fuck the condom and ravage her against the wheel. And he knew he could. He could kiss her consciousness away, melt her away with whispered promises. But he would not. He cared for her, he cared about their future together and he would not let a reckless rut get in the way of it.
As the word condom made its way into Kagome's mouth, her lips shifted to form an 'o'. "Right." She smacked her lips together while frustration rose. It was the right thing to do but it did nothing to ease the tension between her legs. Although she would have to thank Kouga. She might have let things get too far of hands before she realized they lacked protection. He was kind, he was responsible.
And yet she could not reward him for that.
She let her shoulders slug down before pressing her forehead to his. "I guess inside it is."
There was no way to sneak condoms back into the car. And she was not quite ready to perform any sexual activities with the many listening ears inside the house. It meant their evening would truly be composed of hanging out and calmness. But that was okay too.
He kissed the tip of her nose. "Noisy pack it is," he said with a hint of amusement in his voice.
His hands squeezed her hips as he moved her off of him. As he did so, it revealed one importance piece of evidence.
"We might have to wait a moment though."
She chuckled. "That's okay." She leaned into his chest and snuggled up to him. They could wait.
Kouga let the stress leave his body and instead, he enjoyed the warmth coming from the girl by his side.
How was he ever going to resist her?